i stared a him... it's a bad habit i have... i know i shouldn't but when my eyes find something they like, i give them permission... so i drank in his profile and the fullness of his beard... he was john legend fine... small eyes... clear skin... scruffy beard... and i wanted to run my fingers through it... feel if it was curly or coarse... rub my cheek up against him... we stood on a crowded train but we humans are infectious and i knew within a matter of seconds he would feel the sensation of my appraisal and turn my way... there were several people between us but enough space for me to stare freely and sure enough he caught me... i stared anyway... our eyes met and locked... i finally turned away... i stared so long at him that his profile was embedded in my memory... but after a couple of seconds my head turned right back and i stared at him again...

my softness gone
i searched everywhere
i messed up, tore up, disorganized
everything
and organized again
but i can't find it
don't know where i left it
can't remember the last time i felt it

my softness
it done left me
got tired of fighting
for priority
got tired of quarreling
with my strength
my tough exterior
i used to be able to
reach in and grab it

my softness
i miss her
quiet strength
humility and grace
she's been gone
for so long
left without remnant

and my hardness
my hardness reigns supreme
handles both edges
of my sword-like tongue
creeps into
the creases of my eyes
rides my mighty attitude
like waves

yet...

i pray it's not too late
for my softness
to return to me
restoring my sweet
my kind
my genuine
my heart
to me...