my softness gone
i searched everywhere
i messed up, tore up, disorganized
everything
and organized again
but i can't find it
don't know where i left it
can't remember the last time i felt it

my softness
it done left me
got tired of fighting
for priority
got tired of quarreling
with my strength
my tough exterior
i used to be able to
reach in and grab it

my softness
i miss her
quiet strength
humility and grace
she's been gone
for so long
left without remnant

and my hardness
my hardness reigns supreme
handles both edges
of my sword-like tongue
creeps into
the creases of my eyes
rides my mighty attitude
like waves

yet...

i pray it's not too late
for my softness
to return to me
restoring my sweet
my kind
my genuine
my heart
to me...

Among my pillows, as if your head is still cradled there...
under my covers that so carelessly caressed your body...
on the right side of the bed... I feel your body heat

While the room temperature is cold and bitter...
I still feel the warmth of your legs entangled with mine
It's been days since your physical presence has left my bedside...
days since your arms draped around my waist...
days since your palms embraced me...

In the early morning hours, I reach for you...
desiring to feel the smooth of your back, the weight of your arms
Nevertheless, I find and feel the intensity of our passion...
the cozy of our intimacy...

And so every morning, I readjust the pillows, I pull the covers up...
hoping and wishing that when I return... I won't be alone...
your 98 and 6 degrees will meet me...
placate me...

Dear White Pants,

I adore you. You have been my summer staple, my convenient mainstay. You’ve been my little black dress for parties and impromptu dates. I’ve dressed you up, paired you with the right belt and fantastic shoes and you’ve flattered my every curve, displayed my lovely shape. They say I can wear you even after L.abor Day but it just doesn’t feel right wearing you when the temperature doesn’t quite rise to 80 degrees... so I bid you adieu. Today is the last day I wear you for 2009…

I'm Okay - Chrisette Michele

Time don't stop and wait for pain
Pain does fade away in time
Guess it all was just a game
When you gave your heart and I gave mine

I'm okay
I'm just fine
We fade away, hardly crossed my mind

I'm okay
My memories, they comfort me
Thoughts of what we used to be

Must admit you had me fooled
The love felt real, I can't deny
I really wish I did not know the truth
So I could go back to that lovely lie

And it only hurts when I breath
I can't feel it til I take a breath
And I'm holding on to these false memories
Cause that's all, all that I've got left


*Artwork: LaShun Beal "Reflection"

Restore to me pieces of innocence
Like the moment before Eve ate the fruit
Or the instant before a girl surrenders her virginity
A time before shame or guilt
Restore them to me
Moments of brevity
With lasting memory
Like the time I realized my nakedness
And I forgot all about my nudity
That span of time I didn't hide myself from my self
I simply desire an inkling of "not knowing"
Naivete
When my senses were alert
And my heart was open

When I last fell in love
I also lost my mind
Anger and fights in the name of love
Disrespect and abuse can't be love
So I rolled my eyes and threw my middle finger up at love

Then you came along
And I am reminded
That like is even more crucial than love
More intimate and intricate than loveIf put to the test
Like outlasts love

And I like you

*~*for kp*~*

I see you now and remember the boy you were
Slightly awkward
Somewhat unsure of your standing
Gifted with talent and intellect
Charismatic persona

We were fresh, fly, def and smoove
Heavy D’ing
Big Daddy Kane’ing
Eric B. and Rakim’ing
And dancing to the tick tock ya don't stop
I wanna sex you up

The year was 1991
And you were five feet ten inches
Of fine
I dreamt of being behind
The stretch of your smile
The bop in your stride

And today I see the grown man in you
Your fresh, fly, def and smoove
The father in you
And I am proud to see
The talent and intellect realized
Well maintained

You stand an even taller
Five feet ten inches
Of fine
With an added dose of sexy
2 drops of debonair
And a whole lotta everything
That makes

… Fantasies come true
… Wet dreams realities
My chest pokes out with pride
From appreciating every bit
of your five feet
ten inches
of fine