Love Addict

I'm an addict you see
I have to have you
Like food, shelter, water, safety
I crave you

I obsess over your lips
Your tongue
Your hands
Your sex

I can't let go of you
Would do anything to be with you
To have you
All day, everyday I fantasize

I am nervous
And sweaty
I am angry
Until you reach for me

I am powerless
I know I need to let you go
So I can be free
To pursue real love

But I'm addicted to you...

I need my heart, my lungs, my liver, my kidneys

To live

I need air and water and food

To survive

I need creativity, vision, dreams and knowledge

To thrive

But I need you like I need a cheap pair of shoes

With a broken heel

Fear
led me to safe relationships filled with more emotion that devotion
so i spent all of my time with my love, sat across from my love at dinners, at parties, at church
all the while pretending that my love was only my friend
that she and i were best girl friends

Fear
kept me from telling the truth to my loved ones
kept me from telling my truth to my friends
kept me from telling the truth to myself
that my safe relationship could never keep me happy

Fear
spawned lies and those lies took root and that root grew
first the lies were outside of the relationship
but lies like to travel and those lies worked themselves inside
soon we told lies to each other
just to keep from crying

Fear
kept us away from the outside
kept us in darkness
kept us lying and pretending until we no longer
recognized ourselves
until we no longer
pretended

i wish you would

mr. stability

make your presence known in my life

have a vocabulary full of words

sans nigga

sans broke

sans can't

be all the way positive

i wish you would

mr. stability

show up with a j.o.b.

and children you are responsible for

and a family who loves you

they sing your praises

and your community knows you

by your first name

and your good deeds

i wish you would

mr. stability

show up with 2 sets of tools

and expertise on how to use both

so i won't have to resort to my own

laying pipes

in the bathroom

and the bedroom

i wish you would

mr. stability

have a heart of gold

more confidence

twice the courage

and three times the charisma

than the last man

ever had

restoring my faith

in men

again

Today there is no use for the word HOPEIt is best just to KNOW

do you remember
meeting me
no, not by the train
no, not in the museum
but for the first time?

when we
both wore white
and you
wrapped your locks
in a white headwrap
with burgundy colors
i remember your shoes
so fly
they were burgundy too

i remember when you smiled
and you wooed me with your teeth
straight and white
and the deepest dimples
you smelled heavenly
like patchouli
sandlewood
egyptian musk

do you remember?
me in white
in a dress that was tight
and flowing
hugging my curves
and showing off my arms and legs
you stared all night
at my arms and legs

i remember being pissed
the event we attended
was late getting started
my boyfriend was acting up
and i wanted to see him
personally
but i didn't expect you
sexy
intelligent
poetic

you sat a table over and
extended a gift
something that reminded you of me
damn you
smelled good
looked good
and said all the right things
in your deep voice
perfect jamaican accent

you made me laugh
danced with me
and awakened in me
spirituality
sensuality
beauty

you said to me
in symbols
and words
that i was beautiful
and delicate
like a lotus flower
that blooms each day
saluting the sun

you don't remember, do you?
giving me that picture of a perfect
pink lotus flower?
after all of these years
it's still framed
and it sits on my nightstand

The baddest deity just woke up in my bed
With her wide hips
Full breasts
Beautifully pear shaped
She twists, turns and stretches
Part feline
All feminine
She’s got confidence
Embodied in her smile
In her strut
In the batting of her eyes
She’s freely sensual
Yet contained
Awaiting expulsion
Anticipating her baddest king