I acquiesce
And allow you to see
Me
Privately
I peel off my clothes
Let down my hair
Strip off my layers
Remove my mask
Stand before you exposed
Every roll
Ripple
Curve and dip
Disclosed to you
Shamelessly I am revealed to you
All of me
Bare
Even the me I don’t see
There’s something about you
Inside of you
It speaks to me
Within me
It has captivated me
Given me ease
I’m so open to you
It’s a mystery
And it’s freed me

i stared a him... it's a bad habit i have... i know i shouldn't but when my eyes find something they like, i give them permission... so i drank in his profile and the fullness of his beard... he was john legend fine... small eyes... clear skin... scruffy beard... and i wanted to run my fingers through it... feel if it was curly or coarse... rub my cheek up against him... we stood on a crowded train but we humans are infectious and i knew within a matter of seconds he would feel the sensation of my appraisal and turn my way... there were several people between us but enough space for me to stare freely and sure enough he caught me... i stared anyway... our eyes met and locked... i finally turned away... i stared so long at him that his profile was embedded in my memory... but after a couple of seconds my head turned right back and i stared at him again...

my softness gone
i searched everywhere
i messed up, tore up, disorganized
everything
and organized again
but i can't find it
don't know where i left it
can't remember the last time i felt it

my softness
it done left me
got tired of fighting
for priority
got tired of quarreling
with my strength
my tough exterior
i used to be able to
reach in and grab it

my softness
i miss her
quiet strength
humility and grace
she's been gone
for so long
left without remnant

and my hardness
my hardness reigns supreme
handles both edges
of my sword-like tongue
creeps into
the creases of my eyes
rides my mighty attitude
like waves

yet...

i pray it's not too late
for my softness
to return to me
restoring my sweet
my kind
my genuine
my heart
to me...

Among my pillows, as if your head is still cradled there...
under my covers that so carelessly caressed your body...
on the right side of the bed... I feel your body heat

While the room temperature is cold and bitter...
I still feel the warmth of your legs entangled with mine
It's been days since your physical presence has left my bedside...
days since your arms draped around my waist...
days since your palms embraced me...

In the early morning hours, I reach for you...
desiring to feel the smooth of your back, the weight of your arms
Nevertheless, I find and feel the intensity of our passion...
the cozy of our intimacy...

And so every morning, I readjust the pillows, I pull the covers up...
hoping and wishing that when I return... I won't be alone...
your 98 and 6 degrees will meet me...
placate me...

Dear White Pants,

I adore you. You have been my summer staple, my convenient mainstay. You’ve been my little black dress for parties and impromptu dates. I’ve dressed you up, paired you with the right belt and fantastic shoes and you’ve flattered my every curve, displayed my lovely shape. They say I can wear you even after L.abor Day but it just doesn’t feel right wearing you when the temperature doesn’t quite rise to 80 degrees... so I bid you adieu. Today is the last day I wear you for 2009…

I'm Okay - Chrisette Michele

Time don't stop and wait for pain
Pain does fade away in time
Guess it all was just a game
When you gave your heart and I gave mine

I'm okay
I'm just fine
We fade away, hardly crossed my mind

I'm okay
My memories, they comfort me
Thoughts of what we used to be

Must admit you had me fooled
The love felt real, I can't deny
I really wish I did not know the truth
So I could go back to that lovely lie

And it only hurts when I breath
I can't feel it til I take a breath
And I'm holding on to these false memories
Cause that's all, all that I've got left


*Artwork: LaShun Beal "Reflection"

Restore to me pieces of innocence
Like the moment before Eve ate the fruit
Or the instant before a girl surrenders her virginity
A time before shame or guilt
Restore them to me
Moments of brevity
With lasting memory
Like the time I realized my nakedness
And I forgot all about my nudity
That span of time I didn't hide myself from my self
I simply desire an inkling of "not knowing"
Naivete
When my senses were alert
And my heart was open

When I last fell in love
I also lost my mind
Anger and fights in the name of love
Disrespect and abuse can't be love
So I rolled my eyes and threw my middle finger up at love

Then you came along
And I am reminded
That like is even more crucial than love
More intimate and intricate than loveIf put to the test
Like outlasts love

And I like you

*~*for kp*~*

I see you now and remember the boy you were
Slightly awkward
Somewhat unsure of your standing
Gifted with talent and intellect
Charismatic persona

We were fresh, fly, def and smoove
Heavy D’ing
Big Daddy Kane’ing
Eric B. and Rakim’ing
And dancing to the tick tock ya don't stop
I wanna sex you up

The year was 1991
And you were five feet ten inches
Of fine
I dreamt of being behind
The stretch of your smile
The bop in your stride

And today I see the grown man in you
Your fresh, fly, def and smoove
The father in you
And I am proud to see
The talent and intellect realized
Well maintained

You stand an even taller
Five feet ten inches
Of fine
With an added dose of sexy
2 drops of debonair
And a whole lotta everything
That makes

… Fantasies come true
… Wet dreams realities
My chest pokes out with pride
From appreciating every bit
of your five feet
ten inches
of fine

Love Addict

I'm an addict you see
I have to have you
Like food, shelter, water, safety
I crave you

I obsess over your lips
Your tongue
Your hands
Your sex

I can't let go of you
Would do anything to be with you
To have you
All day, everyday I fantasize

I am nervous
And sweaty
I am angry
Until you reach for me

I am powerless
I know I need to let you go
So I can be free
To pursue real love

But I'm addicted to you...

I need my heart, my lungs, my liver, my kidneys

To live

I need air and water and food

To survive

I need creativity, vision, dreams and knowledge

To thrive

But I need you like I need a cheap pair of shoes

With a broken heel

Fear
led me to safe relationships filled with more emotion that devotion
so i spent all of my time with my love, sat across from my love at dinners, at parties, at church
all the while pretending that my love was only my friend
that she and i were best girl friends

Fear
kept me from telling the truth to my loved ones
kept me from telling my truth to my friends
kept me from telling the truth to myself
that my safe relationship could never keep me happy

Fear
spawned lies and those lies took root and that root grew
first the lies were outside of the relationship
but lies like to travel and those lies worked themselves inside
soon we told lies to each other
just to keep from crying

Fear
kept us away from the outside
kept us in darkness
kept us lying and pretending until we no longer
recognized ourselves
until we no longer
pretended

i wish you would

mr. stability

make your presence known in my life

have a vocabulary full of words

sans nigga

sans broke

sans can't

be all the way positive

i wish you would

mr. stability

show up with a j.o.b.

and children you are responsible for

and a family who loves you

they sing your praises

and your community knows you

by your first name

and your good deeds

i wish you would

mr. stability

show up with 2 sets of tools

and expertise on how to use both

so i won't have to resort to my own

laying pipes

in the bathroom

and the bedroom

i wish you would

mr. stability

have a heart of gold

more confidence

twice the courage

and three times the charisma

than the last man

ever had

restoring my faith

in men

again

Today there is no use for the word HOPEIt is best just to KNOW

do you remember
meeting me
no, not by the train
no, not in the museum
but for the first time?

when we
both wore white
and you
wrapped your locks
in a white headwrap
with burgundy colors
i remember your shoes
so fly
they were burgundy too

i remember when you smiled
and you wooed me with your teeth
straight and white
and the deepest dimples
you smelled heavenly
like patchouli
sandlewood
egyptian musk

do you remember?
me in white
in a dress that was tight
and flowing
hugging my curves
and showing off my arms and legs
you stared all night
at my arms and legs

i remember being pissed
the event we attended
was late getting started
my boyfriend was acting up
and i wanted to see him
personally
but i didn't expect you
sexy
intelligent
poetic

you sat a table over and
extended a gift
something that reminded you of me
damn you
smelled good
looked good
and said all the right things
in your deep voice
perfect jamaican accent

you made me laugh
danced with me
and awakened in me
spirituality
sensuality
beauty

you said to me
in symbols
and words
that i was beautiful
and delicate
like a lotus flower
that blooms each day
saluting the sun

you don't remember, do you?
giving me that picture of a perfect
pink lotus flower?
after all of these years
it's still framed
and it sits on my nightstand

The baddest deity just woke up in my bed
With her wide hips
Full breasts
Beautifully pear shaped
She twists, turns and stretches
Part feline
All feminine
She’s got confidence
Embodied in her smile
In her strut
In the batting of her eyes
She’s freely sensual
Yet contained
Awaiting expulsion
Anticipating her baddest king

I find heaven in the fashion your thoughts are created
In your mind you must muddle and organize them over and over
Until you unearth the chosen words to convey
Philosophies, theories, opinions, feelings
And these words take flight and approach your tongue
Lift and leave through parted lips
And find their way to my ears a short distance
I hear
The inflection of your voice
The potency of your emotions
The intention of your expression
As your words drape
Sensuously
Eloquently
Bountifully
On the drums of my ears
Leaking through capillaries, arteries, veins and valves
And become
Fixtures of my heart

Like a dollar found on my way to work
Or finding the perfect pair of shoes to go with my sexy shirt
At the perfect price
Like calling all of my friends
And nothing at all is going wrong
And all of their kids are acting right
Like a positive bank balance
And all my bills are paid
And having a little money in my savings
Like coming into work
And the boss decided not to come in
And we all decide to cut out early
Like going into my favorite restaurant
And there's no wait
And I'm the only customer
Like the perfect glass of red wine
After the perfect day
While I'm watching Gray's Anatomy
Like a perfect manicure
And a fly french pedicure
A fresh facial to boot
Like a bright sunny sky
And a brisk walk in Central Park
Sipping caramel macchiatos
Like coming home to a clean house
A made bed
And comfort food
That’s how you are to me
Too good
To be
True

I hate you

Those were the words that effortlessly flowed from my lips
Your response was
I know
I can only imagine that you said it with a smile
No, perhaps a smirk
It's a game we play
We've been playing it for the past 7 years

I hate you
I said it to your chest

As you held me close
As you laid your head on top of mine
Smelling my hair
Telling me it smells nice
You came to see me
The 1st time I've seen you in 8 months

I hate you
It's my way of not saying
What I really feel
What I'm afraid to feel
What I cannot reveal
My sentiments you already grasp
I've said those 3 words in succession
Countless times

I hate you
This time there is no kissing
No bending over
No making it clap
No nakedness
No warm baby oil
No massages
No tears

I hate you
Yet this time
I don't want to hold you captive
Or cuss you out
Nor slap your face
I only want to hold you
Be held by you
And breathe your scent

He told me sweet lies of sweet love

Heavy with the burden of the truth

And he spoke of his dreams

Broken by the burden

Broken by the burden of his youth

Fourteen years he said

I couldn't look into the sun

She saw him laying at the end of my gun

Hungry for life

And thirsty for the distant river

I remember his hands

And the way the mountains looked

The light shot diamonds from his eyes

Hungry for life

And thirsty for the distant river

Like the scar of age

Written all over my face

The war is still raging inside of me

I still feel the chill

As I reveal my shame to you

I wear it like a tattoo

I wear it like a tattoo

I wear it like a tattoo

--Helen Folasade Adu (Sade)