Fear
led me to safe relationships filled with more emotion that devotion
so i spent all of my time with my love, sat across from my love at dinners, at parties, at church
all the while pretending that my love was only my friend
that she and i were best girl friends

Fear
kept me from telling the truth to my loved ones
kept me from telling my truth to my friends
kept me from telling the truth to myself
that my safe relationship could never keep me happy

Fear
spawned lies and those lies took root and that root grew
first the lies were outside of the relationship
but lies like to travel and those lies worked themselves inside
soon we told lies to each other
just to keep from crying

Fear
kept us away from the outside
kept us in darkness
kept us lying and pretending until we no longer
recognized ourselves
until we no longer
pretended

i wish you would

mr. stability

make your presence known in my life

have a vocabulary full of words

sans nigga

sans broke

sans can't

be all the way positive

i wish you would

mr. stability

show up with a j.o.b.

and children you are responsible for

and a family who loves you

they sing your praises

and your community knows you

by your first name

and your good deeds

i wish you would

mr. stability

show up with 2 sets of tools

and expertise on how to use both

so i won't have to resort to my own

laying pipes

in the bathroom

and the bedroom

i wish you would

mr. stability

have a heart of gold

more confidence

twice the courage

and three times the charisma

than the last man

ever had

restoring my faith

in men

again